CHRISTIAN MARRIAGE

Marriage is an important issue in the Christian life. No wonder a lot of books and discussions are centered on subjects like preparing for marriage, marriage improvement; overcoming marital problems and improving communication in marriage. But have you ever wondered what the Bible has to say about marriage? A quick search reveals more than 500 Old and New Testament references to the words "marriage," "married," "husband," and "wife."

Current Status

According to statistical analysis done on various demographic groups, a marriage starting out today has about 40% chance of ending in divorce. Research gathered reveals that Christians who regularly attend church divorce at a rate 35% lower than secular couples. In contrast, nominal Christians, who seldom or never attend church, have higher divorce rates than secular couples. This implies that "Religious commitment, rather than mere religious affiliation, contributes to greater levels of marital success." If a genuine commitment to Christian faith will result in a stronger marriage, then perhaps the Bible really does have something important to say about the subject.

What Does the Bible Say About Marriage?

Obviously, we can't cover all 500-plus verses the Bible has to say about marriage, so we'll just look at a few key passages. I hope you will read the selected verses with an open mind, consider the analysis, ask your own questions of the heart, and then come to your own conclusions. But remember that God’s word must be obeyed because it is best for you.

Background

Gen. 2:18, 21-24: ¹⁸And the LORD God said, It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for '... ²¹And the LORD God caused a deep sleep to fall upon Adam and he slept: and he took one of his ribs, and closed up the flesh instead thereof; ²²And the rib, which the LORD God had taken from man, made he a woman, and brought her unto the man.²³ And Adam said, This is now bone of my bones, and flesh of my flesh: she shall be called Woman, because she was taken out of Man.²⁴ Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.

Here we see the first wedding (marriage). We can conclude from this account in Genesis that marriage is God's idea, designed and instituted by the Creator. In these verses we also discover that at the heart of God's design for marriage is companionship and intimacy.

Marriage is a Permanent Committed Relationship

Matthew 19:4-6: ⁴And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,⁵ And said, For this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?⁶ Wherefore they are no more twain, but one flesh. What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder.

Luke 16:18: Whosoever putteth away his wife, and marrieth another, committeth adultery: and whosoever marrieth her that is put away from her husband committeth adultery.

1Corinthians 7:10-11, 27: ¹⁰And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, Let not the wife depart from her husband ¹¹ But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife…²⁷Art thou bound unto a wife? seek not to be loosed. Art thou loosed from a wife? seek not a wife.

Here we need to be careful our choice of partner in order not to abandon the marriage along the way. A saying goes in Akan that ‘woo kor aware a, bi sa’, to wit, ‘if you are going into marriage ask/investigate’ because there is no turning back.

Importance given to Christian Marriage

Hebrew 13:4: Marriage is honourable in all, and the bed undefiled: but whoremongers and adulterers God will judge.

Proverb 18:22: Whoso findeth a wife findeth a good thing, and obtaineth favour of the LORD.

Marriage is ‘honourable’ and the prohibition of it signifies relapse (1Tim. 4:3) and God also uses it to represent a union between Him and his people. In the New Testament, it represents the love of Christ for the Church (Eph. 5:25-27). It is also a good thing to find a wife and you enjoy the favour of the Lord.

Who should we Marry

We should not marry unbelievers (2Corinthians:6:14). We should not marry:  prostitutes, strange women, evil women, foolish women, quarrelsome women, adulterous woman, indecent dressing women and contentious women (Prov. 5:3, 6:24, 7:5, 7:10, 9:13, 21:9,19, 23:27, 25:24, 27:15, 30:2) but we should marry prudent women, virtuous women and submissive women (Prov. 19:14, 12:4, 14:1, 31:10-31)

How long should our Marriage Last

1Corinthians 7:3: The wife is bound by the law as long as her husband liveth; but if her husband be dead, she is at liberty to be married to whom she will; only in the Lord.

Romans 7:2-3: ²For the woman which hath an husband is bound by the law to her husband so long as he liveth; but if the husband be dead, she is loosed from the law of her husband.^3: So then if, while her husband liveth, she be married to another man, she shall be called an adulteress: but if her husband be dead, she is free from that law; so that she is no adulteress, though she be married to another man.

Matthew19:5: And said, for this cause shall a man leave father and mother, and shall cleave to his wife: and they twain shall be one flesh?

Marriage, being a covenant, can only be broken ideally at the death of one of the partners.

What are the marital duties of Man and Woman

Ephesians 5:22-33: ²²Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord.^23: For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body.^24: Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.^25: Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it;^26: That he might sanctify and cleanse it with the washing of water by the word, ^27: That he might present it to himself a glorious church, not having spot, or wrinkle, or any such thing; but that it should be holy and without blemish.^28: So ought men to love their wives as their own bodies. He that loveth his wife loveth himself.^29: For no man ever yet hated his own flesh; but nourisheth and cherisheth it, even as the Lord the church: ^30: For we are members of his body, of his flesh, and of his bones.^31: For this cause shall a man leave his father and mother, and shall be joined unto his wife, and they two shall be one flesh.^32: This is a great mystery: but I speak concerning Christ and the church.^33: Nevertheless let every one of you in particular so love his wife even as himself; and the wife see that she reverence her husband.

1Peter 3:1-7: ¹Likewise, ye wives, be in subjection to your own husbands; that, if any obey not the word, they also may without the word be won by the conversation of the wives;^2: While they behold your chaste conversation coupled with fear.^3: Whose adorning let it not be that outward adorning of plaiting the hair, and of wearing of gold, or of putting on of apparel;^4: But let it be the hidden man of the heart, in that which is not corruptible, even the ornament of a meek and quiet spirit, which is in the sight of God of great price.^5: For after this manner in the old time the holy women also, who trusted in God, adorned themselves, being in subjection unto their own husbands:^6: Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well, and are not afraid with any amazement. ^7: Likewise, ye husbands, dwell with them according to knowledge, giving honour unto the wife, as unto the weaker vessel, and as being heirs together of the grace of life; that your prayers be not hindered.

1Timothy 5:14: I will therefore that the younger women marry, bear children, guide the house, give none occasion to the adversary to speak reproachfully.

Colossians 3:18-19: ¹⁸Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.^19: Husbands, love your wives, and be not bitter against them.

1Corinthians 7:3-4: Let the husband render unto the wife due benevolence: and likewise also the wife unto the husband. ^4:The wife hath not power of her own body, but the husband: and likewise also the husband hath not power of his own body, but the wife.^5: Defraud ye not one the other, except it be with consent for a time, that ye may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again, that Satan tempt you not for your incontinency.

What about Romance

Proverb 5:18-19: ¹⁸Let thy fountain be blessed: and rejoice with the wife of thy youth. ^19: Let her be as the loving hind and pleasant roe; let her breasts satisfy thee at all times; and be thou ravished always with her love.

What if one spouse is an unbeliever

1Corinthians 7:13-16: ¹³And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him.^14: For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy.^15: But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace.^16: For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?

Disputes should be settled fast

Ephesians 4:26-27: Be ye angry, and sin not: let not the sun go down upon your wrath:^27: Neither give place to the devil.

The Devil, like a roaring lion is moving to and fro to devour; to destroy any good thing that God has made. Marriage is no exception because when he destroys marriage, he breaks the family and society as a whole thereby creating bitterness, adulterous society, way-ward children and the like. Be wise and not let your marriage be destroyed by anger. There is always regret after.

Qualifications for remarriage after divorce 

(a) If the divorce was unbiblical, remarriage may not take place unless:

     (1) Your former spouse has died.

     (2) Your former spouse has remarried.

(b) If the divorce was biblical, remarriage should not take place if reconciliation is possible. If your former spouse is a believer, then the Scripture calls you to reconcile. But there may be times when it is impossible.

      (1) Reconciliation is impossible if your former spouse is an unbeliever.

      (2) Reconciliation is impossible if your former spouse has remarried.

      (3) Reconciliation is impossible if your former spouse has died.

      (4) Reconciliation is impossible if your former spouse desires to remain in an adulterous relationship, after granting him/her adequate space for repentance.

(c) The other person must be biblically qualified to marry you

      (1) He/ She must be a believer (2 Co 6:14).

 (2) If there is divorce in their background, it must have been biblical and they must have properly exhausted the possibility of reconciliation.

(d) When is remarriage prohibited?

    (1) When the divorce was unbiblical (1 Cor. 7:11)

    (2) When the legitimate possibility of reconciliation remains (1 Cor. 7:11)

Conclusion

In marriage, it is often said that "opposites attract". This attraction comes from needs and weaknesses that the other party is able to fulfill. If we enter into covenant with someone who has the same strengths as we do, we gain nothing by the covenant. This requires taking time to know your covenant partner. Before two parties could enter this covenant, a lot of talking had to be done. You couldn't just jump into a covenant.

To be able to fulfill the covenant relationship, you had to really know the other person. What their needs are, their likes and dislikes, and even how they did things. Most of all, it is important to make sure that your beliefs agreed. If one followed Jehovah, and the other Baal, then there isn't any common ground. How can you expect God to bless any relationship that is "unequally yoked" (2Corin. 6:14-18)?

Since marriage is a covenant, it must operate in love (1Corin. 13 kjv). It is only when we begin to show love to our spouses that we begin to fulfill the terms of that covenant. We must die to self, just as Jesus did and allow God's love to show through us in our marriage. Amen.