BROKEN HOME

There is no place like home says a popular adage. What then is a home? "A home is a place where one lives with one’s family" or "a place where one was born and has lived for a long time". Generally, it is a place of refuge, care, comfort, rest, security, help, love etc. The home may comprise of the father, mother, children sometimes with any other member of the extended family. It has been the desire of all families that the home will continue to be the peaceful and warmth place that it has always been from the beginning. But most families have experienced brokenness from these ideal thoughts.

The broken home has become perhaps the No. 1 social problem in the world, and ultimately it could lead to the destruction of our civilization. The basic foundation of any society is the home—so when the home begins to break, the society is on its way to disintegration. This problem does not make screaming headlines, but like termites, it is eating away at the heart and core of our social and moral structure.

What are the causes of broken homes and how can we overcome it, to ensure God’s once wonderful purpose for the family.

What do we mean by “a broken home?”

A broken home is a home where things are not just right. A house containing a family that is set apart, due to tensions and certain problems. Remember the time when the home was a place of peace, harmony, and mutual growth? Children, for the most part, obeyed their parents and parents enjoyed a loving relationship.

What are the causes of “a broken home?”

Many couples have come to regard lightly the vows taken at marriage. As a result, we have an alarming rate of divorce, irrespective of annulments and separations. In addition to the above causes, marriage counselors identify jealousy, envy, strife, financial problems, and sexual problems as some of the vices that work from within the home. Divorce is looked upon by many as an easy way out. The home may comprise of the father, mother, children sometimes with any other member of the extended family. If the home has the above definition, what then, are the causes of broken homes?

1)    Wrong choice in marriage - how do you know you married the wrong spouse? When both partners are not in good terms most of the time. When one partner always regrets marrying the other partner, these are all signs of wrong choice. Disagreement is the only language they understand. They could be likened to two captains in the same boat heading to different destination. In this kind of situation, hatred, unfaithfulness, fighting, anger, suspicion, cheating becomes the order of the day and break-up is the end result.

2)    Parental or friends influence. This is very common these days. Many broken homes today are caused by undue influences and interference of parents, friends and relations in the private affairs of the family. When a man or woman allows these third parties to be their advisers and confidants, such a home is heading to a break. The so-called Women’s Liberation Movement, belittles the role of wife and mother and generally undermines the structure of the home, where the role of a wife is destroyed (1Tim. 5:4, Tit. 2:4-5,Eph. 5:22-25)

3)    Lack of genuine sacrificial love - This is one of the major reason many couples have fallen apart today. Love they say does not fade. If truly you love your spouse, it will be very difficult to break away from such a person. The truth is that, when one of the spouses had found a new love elsewhere, he or she becomes desperate and start looking for any means to breakaway. All you need is to water or renew the love you have for your spouse sooner or later it will grow to become a full tree of love with many branches. (1Corin.13:1-13)

4)    Communication breakdown is also responsible for many broken homes today. There should be freedom of speech. Every problem should be talked over or discussed to find a lasting solution to it. Encourage your spouse to communicate.

5)    Sexual unfaithfulness to once wife or husband has caused lots of broken homes. Whatever you fancy in another man or woman that make you attracted to him or her, you can get it for your spouse. Be content with your spouse. Sex is good, but excess of it with many partners is very dangerous. Be satisfied with your spouse. This is the anti-dote to this menace.

6)    Stinginess/meanness and extravagant money management is equally not good for any home. Give to your spouse, meet his or her needs anyway as far as is your power to do so. If for some reasons, there is a delay, kindly talk it over within the two of you.

7)    Time consuming jobs is not good for the family. Your presence is needed by your spouse. I am not saying stay at home always with your family. Get me right. Undue attachment to once work at the expense of the family has caused lots of havoc in many homes. When a man or woman, especially, stays too long at work, the other partner will start feeling lonely, neglected, abandoned and sometimes frustrated. Striking a balance will be a good idea.

 What are the effects of broken homes?  

    1)    Children become lonely, depressed and angry. They may usually get away from the problems by doing bad things (drugs, gangsterism drinking, prostitution, etc.). Broken home can range from the rich to the poor families.

      2)    Rebellious feelings toward God, family, friends, etc. Especially when one comes from a Christian home, there is the dis-illusion that God has failed or rejected the family.

     3)    Shame, confusion and low morals, are a few unpleasant consequences of a broken home.

     4)    There is the likelihood of children from broken-homes repeating the mistakes of the fathers and thereby experiencing broken-homes themselves.

How to manage a broken home (husbands, wife, children and relatives)

    1)    Learn to focus and not dwell in the future or past. Learn to be humble and listen, be patient and slow down the way you live. Turn to the Bible.
It was God who made the human race male and female. It was God who commanded, “Be fruitful and multiply” (Genesis 1:28, KJV). It was God who said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.” (Genesis 2:18).

     2)    Learn to sacrifice. Your time and luxury should be put at the disposal of the family to make up for the absence of a spouse.

  

     3)    Reflect on the cause of the break-up and fill-in where you are the fault       

    4)    Stay busy. Don’t isolate yourself. Don't expect to get over a broken heart in only a few days for it takes time to feel better.

  5)    Spend time with positive/encouraging people. Surround yourself with those who appreciate you.                    

How to avoid broken home

1)    Make Christ the center of your home.

     2)    Attend Christian fellowships regularly. See to it that your entire family is faithful in true Christian fellowships and are integrated into the various activities of the church. Fewer families that are faithful in the church suffer from a broken home.

    3)    Be certain that there is a loving Christian discipline in the home. Obedience of children to parents is one of the greatest of all virtues. The most effective way for parents to command obedience is by a clean, pure, wholesome, Christian example.

     4)    Establish a daily family worship. Have a special time in the morning or evening when all the family gathers together to hear the Bible read and have prayer.

      5)    We should not let the world shape our home, but let the Word of God mold us perfectly so we may have a God-pleasing life. The sanctity of marriage and integrity of every home must be loved, protected and preserved for the glory of God. Deep reverence toward the Word of God and strict application of its principles will surely help us protect and preserve our precious home.

6)    Managing your emotion. One of the hardest things to manage in life is one’s emotion and he that manages his emotion well is surely a man of composure. Read Colossians 3:7-14(KJV).

7)    Wife should live as the humble assistant. A virtuous wife is not only a powerful assistant to her husband, but a precious jewel of a godly home. Her great love for her home gives sure strength and inspiration to her husband and children. The Bible says, “Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as it is fit in the Lord.” (Eph. 5:22KJV). Her important role is not limited within her home, but her godly testimony is surely a great help in the furtherance of the Gospel. (See I Peter 3:1)

8)       Children as faithful supporters. God-fearing children give delight and support to the whole family. Manageable and obedient children will truly become good leaders and managers of the future. In Colossians 3:20, it is written, Children, obey your parents in all things: for this is well pleasing unto the Lord. (KJV). Long life is also promised to them that walk in the path of obedience. Our children really need our guidance and earnest prayers so they may not be diverted from the right path.

9)    Servants as sincere helps. We cannot imagine how chaotic a family would be if servants are unmanageable. Servants must be good stewards and trustworthy. In Colossians 3:22, the Bible says, “Servants, obey in all things your masters according to the flesh; not with eyeservice, as menpleasers; but in singleness of heart, fearing God:” (KJV)

Conclusion

I believe that at the very base of the problems leading to broken-homes is the greater problem of a heart that is not right with God. If the members of the home get right with God, the problems of incompatibility, neglect and other excuses for broken homes will be cleared away.

If the foundations of your home are about to break, make sure that you yourself are a believer in Christ, having had your sins washed away through faith in Him. Then, ask God for the patience and love to win that wayward husband or that unfaithful wife. That husband or wife can be gloriously changed by the power of God. Your home can be so completely transformed that it will have been worth waiting all these months or years. Amen!