CALL ON THE LORD AT ALL TIMES

Romans 10:13- “For whosoever shall call upon the name of the Lord shall be saved”

                                                                                                                                 

We live in a world today where there are lots of troubles and problems- unemployment, marital problems, family feuds, financial crisis, illnesses, wars, etc. Though man has been trying to come out with solutions upon solutions, he rather tends to compound the problems. People are moving ‘here and there’ to solve their problems or just looking for people to talk to, but everybody seems busy to listen.

Brethren, man can and will fail you!

The Christian

As Christians, we have solutions to our problems in God but most of us still want to fall on man who can fail us. Satan, our arch enemy, is always lurking to ensure that we deny our God, but this is the time for us to call on our God- as Job, who relied on God in his troubles and was restored; as Paul, who enjoyed the grace of God in his weakness; as David, who relied on God for victory over Goliath; as Peter, who relied on God and was released from prison; as Joseph, whose dependence on God caused his release from prison. The list can go on and on. All these men were able to stand and overcome their predicaments because they called on the one true God. In 2Ch:16:12, King Asa relied on physicians and died from his feet disease but King Hezekiah (2kings 20:) called on the name of the Lord when he got the death message from Prophet Isaiah and was saved.

On whom do you call on in times of troubles?

Call on the Lord

The Christian strength depends on his total reliance on our Lord Jesus Christ. Most Christians are weak today because we depend on man rather than God. Our God has become like a dummy ‘idol’ that we fall on as and when we want.

Calling on God is even a delight to Him (Proverb 15:8). Every believer has access to God and can call on Him at all times and everywhere. Unlike man or other deities who have days on which you can approach, the God of heaven can be called upon at every moment in time.

Brethren, calling on God should be a character rather than an occasion. We can call on Him to adore Him, confess our sins, give Him thanks or present our requests to Him- which man or God can accommodate all these responsibilities?

Hindrances to our call

Although God is ever ready to respond when we call on Him, our lack of faith (James 1:5-7), sin (Isa. 59:1-2; Ps. 66:18); not forgiving others (Mk. 11:25-26); using our request for pleasure (James 4:3); not taking good care of our spouse (1Pet.3:7) hinders God from responding to our call. It is therefore important that, as Christians, we endeavour to call on God according to His will and conditions and not ours.

Jesus Example

Satan, our arch enemy, has an agenda to destroy our growth in the Lord i.e. not to live right with God; not to obey His word; etc. Like he did to Jesus in Luke 4:1-13, after He has completed His fasting to begin His work on earth, Satan tempted Jesus with things of the flesh in order for Jesus to worship him, Satan. But when Jesus refused to obey him, He left Him and angels attended to Him.

Some of us are going through all kinds of temptations and trials which when we submit, will cause us to worship Satan. Brethren, this is the time to call on the Lord God and not man or some kind of god of the family or hometown.

Finally

Call on God at all times and He will hear; and He will attend to your problems or need. But do you have faith in Him only? Do you obey His word only, and walk in it? John 15:7 says “If ye abide in me, and my words abide in you, ye shall ask what ye will, and it shall be done unto you” – what a promise!

1John 5:14-15 : And this is the confidence that we have in him, that, if we ask any thing according to his will, he heareth us: And if we know that he hear us, whatsoever we ask, we know that we have the petitions that we desired of him.

 Call on the Lord at all times, for He will hear you.  Amen!

THE ANOINTING

"How God anointed Jesus of Nazareth with the Holy Ghost and with power: who went about doing good, and healing all that were oppressed of the devil; for God was with him." (Acts 10:38)

So what is the anointing? What does it mean to be anointed?"
                                                                                                                                   

The origin of anointing was from a practice of shepherds. Lice and other insects would often get into the wool of sheep, and when they got near the sheep's head, they could burrow into the sheep's ears and kill the sheep. So, ancient shepherds poured oil on the sheep's head. This made the wool slippery, making it impossible for insects to get near the sheep's ears because they would just slide off. From this, anointing became symbolic of blessing, protection, and empowerment.                                      . 

The basic meaning of the word “anoint” is “to smear or rub with oil and by implication to consecrate for office or religious service”. In Bible times, people were anointed with oil to signify God’s blessing or call on that person’s life (Exodus 29:7; Exodus 40:9; 2 Kings 9:6; Ecclesiastes 9:8; James 5:14). Anointing, as described in the Bible, can be defined as "God on flesh doing those things that flesh cannot do." It is God doing those things only He can do, and doing them through a flesh-and-blood, an earthly vessel (see 2 Corinthians 4:7).  

Old times

A person was anointed for a special purpose—to be a king, to be a prophet, to be a builder, etc. In the Old Testament, someone who was anointed by God for special service to God had oil poured or smeared on him. For instance, Saul, and later David, was anointed with oil by the prophet Samuel when God revealed He had chosen him to be king of Israel. When King Saul rebelled against God and tried to kill David, David refused to harm him because Saul was "the Lord's anointed" (I Samuel 24:6). To be anointed by God is not only to be picked, but also to be empowered by Him for the task or position to which He has called you.

Today

There is nothing wrong with anointing a person with oil today. We just have to make sure that the purpose of anointing is in agreement with Scripture. Anointing should not be viewed as a "magic potion." The oil itself does not have any power. It is only God that can anoint a person for a specific purpose. If we use oil, it is only a symbol of what God is doing. The anointing is God's presence by the Holy Spirit. The anointing on Jesus was by the Holy Spirit (see Luke 4:18; Acts 10:38). The anointing we have received from Jesus is by the Holy Spirit. (Compare 1John 2:20, 26-27; John 14:26.) The anointing is God's Spirit and power for service on this earth. Jesus has provided the same presence of the Holy Spirit for us in our earthly ministries that He had in His earthly ministry!

Another meaning for the word anointed is "chosen one." The Bible says that Jesus Christ was anointed by God with the Holy Spirit to spread the Good News and free those who have been held captive by sin (Luke 4:18-19; Acts 10:38). After Christ left the earth, He left us the gift of the Holy Spirit (John 14:16). Now all Christians are anointed, chosen for a specific purpose in furthering God's Kingdom (1 John 2:20). "Now He who establishes us with you in Christ and has anointed us is God, who also has sealed us and given us the Spirit in our hearts as a guarantee" (2 Corinthians 1:21-22).

The anointing is God's presence by the Holy Spirit. The anointing on Jesus was by the Holy Spirit (see Luke 4:18; Acts 10:38). The anointing we have received from Jesus is by the Holy Spirit. (Compare I John 2:20, 26-27; John 14:26.) The anointing is God's Spirit and power for service on this earth. Jesus has provided the same presence of the Holy Spirit for us in our earthly ministries that He had in His earthly ministry!

If you're "in Christ," there's an anointing for everything you're called to do, no matter how small or how great the task. That's what the Apostle Paul meant when he said, "I can do all things through Christ (the Anointed and His Anointing) which strengtheneth me" (Philippians 4:13). Paul was talking about the anointing. The same anointing that enabled you to be born again will heal your body, help you succeed in business, and empower you to prosper spirit, soul, body and in every aspect of your life. (See Luke 5:20-24).

The Bible

Nowhere in the Bible is the anointing ever portrayed as a mystic force that sends people hurling to the floor, into convulsions, fits of hysterical laughter, or episodes of “holy rolling”. Yet today, these phenomena are readily attributed to the “anointing”. Neither is it presented as physical sensation which can be “felt”. Due to ignorance, many Christians mistake the anointing for common sensations such as goose bumps or adrenaline rushes, which even the ungodly experience.

In a different sense, anyone used by God for any purpose was referred to as God’s anointed. This included prophets, priests, rulers and even pagan kings like Cyrus. Jesus is referred to as the Christ or the Anointed One. Thus the anointing was related in part to function performed as well as office held. In other words God anointed those whom He appointed.

Anointing for Purpose

Jesus began His ministry not by being anointed with oil but by the Holy Spirit. The anointing is a Divine enablement for us to accomplish God’s purposes on earth. God’s work cannot be done through human might and power, only by His Spirit. His Spirit works in us and through us by anointing us. The anointing has a two-fold purpose - It works in us and through us. Firstly, the anointing works in us by teaching us God’s ways and conforming us to His likeness. Secondly, it works through us by giving supernatural ability to do God’s work (witnessing, preaching, teaching, etc.). It is useful to note that since different believers have different purposes, they are anointed and equipped differently. An evangelist is equipped to win the lost, a pastor to lead the ‘flock’, and a singer to minister comfort, etc.

If everyone ministered with their anointing there would be no mental burnout or fatigue. Those things happen only when people take too much upon themselves. In the same way a car without oil would eventually shut down; a human being cannot do God’s work without God’s help. With the anointing, preachers would not have to force people to take heed, and singers would not have to push a crowd to worship. Evangelists would not have to fabricate figures to make their ministries look impressive, people would be genuinely saved. The anointing would also save a church from formalism. Formalism is the destiny of any organization that attempts to do God’s work through human strength alone.

Obedience! That’s all

The first step to ministering with the anointing is being filled with the Holy Spirit. Then as one begins to obey God’s perfect will, one becomes more entrusted with the anointing. Man is never commanded to be anointed, neither is he rebuked for not being powerful enough. But he is told to obey. The anointing is God’s job, not man’s. He will anoint those whom He appoints, as they submit to His will in humble obedience.

"But the anointing which you have received of him abides in you and ye need not that any man teach you: but as the same anointing teacheth you of all things, and is truth, and is no lie, and even as it hath taught you, ye shall abide in him." (1Jn:2:27). Amen!

THE COMING FAMINE

Amos 8:11, 12: Behold, the days come, saith the Lord GOD, that I will send a famine in the land, not a famine of bread, nor a thirst for water, but of hearing the words of the LORD: ^12: And they shall wander from sea to sea, and from the north even to the east, they shall run to and fro to seek the word of the LORD, and shall not find it.

                                                                                                                                                                              

About 750 B.C., a farmer and shepherd, was called by God to be a prophet. The man's name was Amos and His mission:  to warn Israel of God's coming judgment if they did not repent! Sadly, the nation did not heed the call to repent. As a result, they were led into Assyrian captivity. Part of Amos' prophecy that was fulfilled concerned an unusual famine that would come upon the people was:  A FAMINE FOR THE WORD OF GOD!

Today, there is also famine for the Word of God which is different in some ways, yet similar in other ways, and producing similar results as in Amos time!

The Scriptures (Bible) tell man where he came from and where he is going. The Scriptures tell man how to live, how to prevent heartache from coming into his life. The Scriptures tell man of Jesus Christ, the Redeemer of mankind, and how to have his sins removed so that he can live in heaven eternally.

But, what if the Bible were taken away? What if the government were to come into our homes and take out Bibles? We would not know how to live or how to prevent heartache from coming into our lives - we would remember basic morality, but we would begin to forget all that God wanted. We would begin to forget all the stories of Jesus and how he aided those around him. We would have no basis for sharing our faith with others, for there would be no authority to which we could point.

Those in Amos' day were faced with that reality- the removal of the Word of God

THE PRESENT DAY FAMINE

The present famine for the Word of God was not sent by God. On the contrary, it is evident God has provided for a "feast", not a "famine"! We enjoy an abundance of Bibles. Never before in the history of mankind has the world enjoyed such free access to God's Word. Indeed, today's famine for the Word of God is SELF-IMPOSED! Despite such access to the Bible, the study of the bible and the hearing of the true word of God is eluding the world today.

Although God withdrew his word from the Jews, we have withdrawn ourselves from the Word of God and created a famine. There is a severe famine of God's Word in our modern culture. We live in a time when many do not know right from wrong because they fail to study the Bible. We live in a time when those who stand for biblical morals are mocked, because the ones doing the mocking don't know what the Bible calls for morally.

There is a severe famine of God's Word in the modern church. Many congregations have embraced practices contrary to the Word of God, and live contrary to Scripture because they don't know the Bible well enough. Many Christians fail to live as they ought, because they don't study the Bible to know what God wants and doesn't want.

                  

CAUSES OF FAMINE

The present famine is the result of similar causes in Amos time:

1)    Material luxury

In Amos' day, this became the cause of pride which God hated (Amos 6:1-8). Their luxury prompted them to "put far off the day of doom" in their minds (i.e. they did not want to think about the future). God had warned Israel that it might cause some to forget God (Deut. 8:11-14, 17). Likewise, Jesus warned that riches could choke those who had received the Word (Lk. 8:14). Today, many in their search for wealth forget about God. Others have so filled their time enjoying their luxuries that, they have no time for the Word of God.

2)    Moral corruption

Consider how corrupt the people had become in the days of Amos (Amos 2:6-7). Who can deny that immorality is having its effect on the church today? The world's standards often become the standards of those in the church. When this happens, people will not want to feed upon the Word of God. If they did, it would make them very uncomfortable because of its ability to reveal our true selves (Heb. 4:12-13)

3)    Religious corruption

The people of Israel couldn't wait for religious days to be over (Amos 8:4-10). Today, many people use or hide behind religion to amass wealth, cheat, deceive and manipulate rather than obey God sincerely (Jam. 1:27). If they are unwilling to spend time in sincere worship, it is easy to see why they won't take time to feed daily on God's word!

     

EFFECTS OF FAMINE

The present famine also produces similar results as in Amos time. Amos described a sad picture in Amos 8:13-14: Young people fainting from "thirst" whiles others are falling and not rising again. Doesn't this describe the daily lives of many Christians today? By suffering from a lack of "spiritual food", we are easily overcome by temptation! Even the common trials of life overwhelm them! This may help us understand why some new Christians fall away and young people often lose interest due to the behavior of some elders, preachers, and teachers.

THE FAMINE WILL BRING DISASTER, (Amos 8:12-14). They will wander from sea to sea and from north to east, seeking the word of the LORD, but they shall not find it (v. 12). The people wander from sea to sea and from north to east, seeking the word of the Lord. Thus, the people are going everywhere - east and west, north and south - seeking for a prophet but none would be found. Although the people would desire desperately to hear from God, he would not answer them.

In the day of the famine, the fair virgins and strong young men shall faint from thirst (v. 13). The fair virgins and strong young men refer to those who would best be able to endure a famine, but the famine is taking a toll on them and they are beginning to fall under the severity of the famine. This shows just how terrible this famine is. It is so severe that those who are best able to endure it cannot endure. This famine would come upon those who gave themselves to idolatry (v. 14).

                  

HOW CAN WE END THE FAMINE

The condition of many churches today is one of "spiritual malnutrition"!  Influenced by materialism, immorality, and a lack of true spirituality, by CHOICE many have imposed a famine upon themselves for the Word of God! This helps to explain the discouragement and defeat in the lives of so many Christians today!  What can be done about it?  How can we end this self-imposed famine for the Word of God?

We need to be determined not to allow ourselves to be caught up in this famine – We need to feast upon the Word of God. We ourselves need to study diligently from Scripture. We need to teach our children Scripture so that they are not caught up in this famine (Deut. 6:7). If we do not teach our children, who will? How can we overcome this famine?

1)    We must appreciate the "power" of God's word. It possesses the power of CREATION (Heb.11:3; Gen 1:3); It produces true regeneration (Jn. 6:63, 1 Pet. 1:23, Jam. 1:18); It possesses the power of SANCTIFICATION (Ps. 19:7-11, Jn. 17:17); It possesses the power of PRESERVATION (Ps. 119:9, Acts. 20:28-32, Hos 4:6); It possesses the power of SALVATION and CONDEMNATION (Jam. 1:21, Jn 12:48). Should this not motivate us to study the Word of God?  Would it not be unwise to neglect such power in our lives?

 2) We must "feed" upon it. Like newborn babies longing for their mothers' milk, so we need to long for the word of God! (1 Pet. 2:2); we should contend for nothing less than daily reading of God's Word. A simple practice of DAILY BIBLE READING will go a long way to ending this famine for the Word of God. A reasonable goal at first is to read a chapter a day. I’ll humbly recommend reading through the New Testament (NT) first. At the rate of one chapter a day, one will easily read the NT in a year. Once the habit of daily Bible reading has been established,  reading three chapters a day will enable one to read through the entire Bible once a year. That is really not much, yet many Christians have never read the Bible through once although it takes the average reader only 20-30 minutes a day. The use of some Bible reading chart or checklist may be helpful and as you read, make it a time to meditate upon the word and pray for wisdom and help to obey God’s word (Ps 1:1-3, Ps. 119:18,33-37)

CONCLUSION

Brethren, the time of famine of the word of God is with us now. I challenge you to make the commitment not to neglect the all-powerful Word of God and to feast daily upon that Word which can save your souls!

As Paul told the Ephesian elders when he bid them farewell:

   "So now, brethren, I commend you to God and to the word of His grace, which is able to build you up and give you an inheritance among all those who are sanctified." (Acts. 20:32). Amen!

CHRISTIAN DECEPTION

Matthew 24:4...” And Jesus answered and said unto them, Take heed that no man deceive you”.

One of the signs that Jesus warned the disciples will characterize His second coming was: Worldwide deception. Even those who profess to be Christians are vulnerable to the Serpent's lie. 1 Timothy 4:1 says…"In the latter times some shall depart from the faith, giving heed to seducing spirits, and doctrines of devils." Revelation 12:9 says…. “And the great dragon was cast out, that old serpent, called the Devil, and Satan, which deceiveth the whole world: he was cast out into the earth, and his angels were cast out with him”. Revelation 12:12 says…” Therefore rejoice, ye heavens, and ye that dwell in them. Woe to the inhabiters of the earth and of the sea! for the devil is come down unto you, having great wrath, because he knoweth that he hath but a short time”.

With all the church growth and numerous gospel messages being preached, why should the Christian be concerned about this Global deception of Satan?

                                                                                                                                                                       

IN THE END

The Bible tells us that Christians will fall into one of two categories: deceived or persecuted. The deceived will persecute the others in much the same way the Jewish religious leaders opposed Christ and the early Christians. Deception is a central feature of the “last days” so we can count on it happening. The Bible proclaims a spirit of delusion, a man of deception and of so-called Christians being led astray to do things they may not normally do if they were in their right mind. The deception is so pervasive that the whole world is taken in by it (….. because it will contain an element of truth and closer to the truth). These aren’t my words. They are Jesus’ words and are found throughout the Bible in describing the last days. (Matthew 24:5, 11, 24, Matthew 10:17-21, Revelation 12:9, 13:4, 18:23). We should expect it and be wise enough to recognize it.

Many Christians pick and choose what they want to believe in the Bible. They don’t take prophecy seriously because it is considered peripheral to their faith, controversial, complicated and too open to interpretation. Studying prophecy is seen boring. Most teaching is based on 19^th and early 20^th Century scholarship and these are based on the geo-political situation of that time. These teachings have been passed down from generation to generation in Bible Schools and Seminaries, compounding error. It should be obvious that end time prophecy can only be understood by the end time Christians because they are the ones that have a “need to know.” (Daniel 12:9). Most Christians accept dated interpretations and are stuck in a time warp of their own preconceived ideas. Very few take a fresh look at prophecy in the light of the current geo-political situation. The fact of the matter is that just as it takes revelation to grasp the wonder of salvation, it requires an inward revelation to really understand prophecy.

SET-UP FOR DECEPTION

Today’s  mega church is so caught up in improving and perfecting the good life here and now, that they don’t even consider the negative possibilities of tribulation. These wealthy “Laodicean” churches (Revelation 3:14-19) express their wealth with sprawling “campuses”, opulent sanctuaries seating thousands of people, and multimedia presentations that would make any university green with envy. They are into the higher calling of preaching the gospel to people who would certainly not be attracted by gloom and doom prophecy. Today’s modern Christian is set up for deception no matter what their persuasion and only few, are receiving fresh revelation on the subject. Christians today focus on items that are essential to faith and relegate everything else to the sidelines. Prophecy is considered nice to know but certainly nothing to focus on. My only question is, if that is the case, why is a third of the Bible related to end times prophecy? Is it unimportant to God and man? Is a third of the Bible unimportant and a waste of our precious time? I would agree that prophecy is not essential to our faith, but it is crucial as to whether we are deceived or not. Our view of the end times determines what we do or don’t do about it. Since we act according to our beliefs, even Christians can end up on the wrong side persecuting other Christians, thinking they are doing God a favor (John 16:1-3kjb). Christians today are set up for deception like never before.

METHODS OF DECEPTION

We will look at four ways, amongst others, that Christians are being deceived in our day:

       I.          The Repackaged Lie

Satan is brilliantly clever at taking age-old lies, disguising them in subtlety, and gradually introducing them to even those who insist that they believe in the infallible authority of the Bible. Examples of lies the Enemy has deceived us with are all the various ways we are obsessed with "Self"; the numerous techniques of "Christianized" sorcery and divination within the Church; and the many issues and fads designed to give us a "Tower of Babel" vision for global unity. What all the world’s religions and philosophies have in common is self-righteousness that advocates some form of salvation by works, denying the Biblical Jesus and salvation by grace through faith which is not of works.

      II.          Blurred Distinctions

Not only is Satan the "Father of lies", but he is also the "Author of confusion". It is getting harder and harder to tell the difference between neo-paganism and the liberal church; or between the liberal church and true Christianity. The message and the priorities of the Church are becoming indistinguishable from the World. The Emerging Church and Spirituality movements are promoting mystical techniques and attempting to fuse Christianity with New Age/ Occultic practices and becoming ecumenical. Beware!

    III.          Unequal Yoking

Christian leaders and Christian organizations are more and more yoking themselves with unbiblical, pagan groups and movements which set the followers up for compromise of doctrine and priorities. What fellowship does light have with darkness?(2Corinthians 6:14-18). These unholy alliances are often taking place in the name of "traditional family values" and the "culture wars" and involve relationships between ”churches”- irrespective of their belief in Jesus Christ or, the alliances involve solving the problems of "Mother Earth" in association with various utopian movements.

One way that professing Christians are manipulated into unequal yoking is through the “Hegelian Dialectic” and the fact that Satan works both sides of every worldly, fleshly conflict. When someone observes a conflict in society, the tendency is to try to figure out which side is the good guys and which side is the bad guys and then jump on board the bandwagon of the "good guys". Because of how a professing Christian reacts against “the bad guys” they yoke themselves with the “good guys” not realizing that Satan controls both sides. Then at the proper time the polarized sides are merged together in synthesis, completing the deception. James 1:27 says.. “Pure religion and undefiled before God and the Father is this, To visit the fatherless and widows in their affliction, and to keep himself unspotted from the world” .An Ambassador of Christ should not allow himself to be entangled by the worldly agendas of ANY side.

    IV.          Following “Gurus”

The final way in which Christians are being deceived is very much related to the first three. We are much more likely, these days, to not refer to our Bible for our convictions and worldview, but instead to follow the opinions of leaders we look up to. In these days of "Christian Mass Media", Celebrity Ministers are likely to draw our attention and our allegiance. It is a dangerous thing to set up “Gurus” within the Body of Christ who are beyond criticism. "Touch not the Lord's anointed!" we are told when the “Guru's” doctrine or behavior is questioned, which is a reference to 1 Samuel 24 and 26. In those references, David was referring to not KILLING Saul. He was not forbidding CRITICISM of Saul. In fact, David himself rebukes Saul publicly. In these last days we cannot afford to follow human leaders as if they were Gurus; whether they be popular, or Emergent Church leaders, or politicians. We are to be disciples of Jesus, and him alone.

HOW TO STAND

Our only hope not to be deceived in these last days is to "abide in the vine" (John 15:1-10); to surrender our hearts moment by moment to the Holy Spirit; to be Acts 17 "Bereans" and filter everything through the written Word of God (2Timothy 3:16-17); and to be lovers of the Truth.

FINALLY

God loves you and has a wonderful plan for your life. If you are a follower of Jesus Christ, you will not allow yourself to be deceived by religious falsehood engineered by Satan through men. If God wants us to perish, He will not have revealed the sign of deception that will characterize the last days to us.

We should hold on to the faith in Jesus Christ and His word only, and we will not be deceived. Don’t forget, Christ is coming to judge the living and the dead, will he find you faithful, Holy and acceptable (2 Cor. 5:10) or you will shelve the truth in His word and accept the lie of Satan? The choice is yours.

How to Prevent Divorce and Save your Marriage

 Along with bereavement and moving house, divorce is among the top three personal experiences which cause the greatest stress and loneliness. A divorce is not only the sundering of two partners in marriage but entails the breaking apart of a family, division of assets, pain and tears all around. Thus if you are staring at the prospect of a divorce, ask yourself if you have all you can to save your marriage.

Face the facts

The very first step to preventing divorce is to acknowledge that there is a problem. Paradoxical though it may seem, admitting that there are issues that need to be sorted out as early as possible can in fact save a marriage. Very often either partner believes that as long as the conflict is not out in the open, the marriage can hobble on somehow. It is this fear of rocking the boat that prevents a couple from taking early corrective measures until it is too late and all is lost. So take your courage in both hands and broach the matter with your spouse.

Communicate with each other

The most difficult step in this endeavor is perhaps the discussion on what is troubling the marriage and explore the reasons which may have led to the present situation. However even as both of you discuss your relationship, agree to follow certain rules. Take turns to speak and do not interrupt when it is your partner’s chance to express his or her thoughts. Stick to finding out the primary source of the present conflict and do not drag up incidents from the past or bring in comparisons with other couples. There is nothing so frustrating as being bogged down by the in-essentials while the most important matter at hand remains unresolved.

Give your side of the matter

While trying to find a path out of your marital conflict, it is important to verbalize your thoughts and express clearly what has upset you and why. If you keep your feelings bottled up inside, it will only aggravate your perception of not being understood until it may all burst forth with violence. Moreover it is unfair to expect another person to read your mind and understand what you may be feeling inside. When things are out in the open, it may surprise you to find out how much you both did not know about the feelings and the perceptions of the other.

Maintain an objective stance

No matter how genuine your grievances against your partner, be careful to maintain objectivity during discussions. Avoid getting caught up in the endless cycle of accusations and counter-accusations. A good way to do this is to refrain from statements starting with “you”, for instance “you do not appreciate my work” or “you spend too much time at the bar”. Instead try to say, “I would feel much more valued in my marriage if my work is appreciated” or “It would mean so much to me if we could spend more time with each other”. Charging the other person with bringing about the crisis in your marriage will only make your partner defensive and would not lead the discussion anywhere.

Look for solutions

Once you have identified the source of conflict in your marriage, see how you can get things on track again. This is however easier said than done but not impossible to work out. Keep in mind that a resolution will entail some amount of responsibility for both the spouses. Discuss what each of you can do to improve the relationship which will in turn entail bringing some amount of change within oneself. Each will have to give a little in terms of time and effort. Either partner will need to make some changes in his or her priorities and principles if the marriage is to be saved. Here, more than anywhere, mutual co-operation is vital if you wish to avoid the ordeal of a divorce.

Take the help of people whom you both trust

In the initial stages of a troubled marriage, both spouses tend to keep the problem within the family thinking somehow it will resolve itself or embarrassed at what others might think about their failing relationship. However, if matters come to a head, it is much better to seek the advice of close family members or friends on ways of resolving the conflict. But at the same time they must be people whom you both trust to have an impartial view and are not prejudiced against one side or another.

Keep expectations realistic

As you and your spouse work towards coming to an understanding, it is important to ground your expectations in realism. Even as your spouse seems to be more understanding of your priorities now, keep in mind that overnight he/she will not warm up to sharing your favorite past-time, something he/she had earlier considered a chore. Do not expect your spouse to jump on the chance of a shopping spree with you when all he wants to do is to go fishing. If your partner was obsessed with cleanliness when both of you met, do not expect immediate changes. Tempers may still flare while you are dealing with differing inclinations but now you should have a better idea of how to resolve such issues and how to put your marriage ahead of other concerns.

Talk to a Matured Person

In the end, if despite your best efforts, you seem to be no nearer to a solution, seek external help. Speaking to a matured married person can work wonders for troubled marriages and no couple should fix an appointment with divorce lawyers without first meeting with a matured married person. This is because a matured married person can identify accurately and objectively the source of conflict. Moreover, unlike family and friends who may be closer to either partner, a matured person will take an impartial view while trying to resolve the conflict. But best of all, he will also come up with practical strategies to help your marriage survive the crisis and prevent a divorce.

Know this

 “….They say unto him, why did Moses then command to give a writing of divorcement, and to put her away? ⁸He saith unto them, Moses because of the hardness of your hearts suffered you to put away your wives: but from the beginning it was not so” (Matt. 19:7-8). Amen.